And when you know what it is that you want, be aware of who it is who wants.
The woman who marries for her looks, and wants to be praised for her brains. The man who pays for “it” – you name it – and wants to be loved, praised, cherish for the person he is. The worker who stays in late and wants to be praised for their contribution, not for their resilience, long hour and work. The parent who gives “everything” and wants to be praised for their heart, for their love, gentleness and generosity, and not for the “sacrifice”, the hard-work they had turned themselves in.
If you want to be praised for your good looks, say so. Bring it to the table. Openly. You’ll find people, circumstances to praise you. You are simply “exulting” your good looks, it is not possible not to see, not to get “touched” by it. And you always get back what you are giving out.
If you want to be praised for your personality, say so. Leave everything else out of the table. Don’t mix that with money. The result will be disastrous – it will be mixed up too.
If you want to be praised for your generosity, say so. Be generous. Freely, openly, no regrets. Enjoy generosity, and it will come back to you, and more than your kids will mirror it back to you.
And if you want to be “sacrificed”, abused, slaughtered, enslaved, say so. You’ll find the right friend too.
Every time you know what you are looking for, and you know what you are laying on the table – maybe your money, your looks, your praise, your confidence, your intelligence, your emotions, your heart, your sacrifice, your guilt, your shame, your non-confidence, your insecurity, or your love – you are getting what you are looking for easily, freely, openly. You will be then able to match your identity, making things predictable. You know what you are looking for, and you know – consciously – how you are getting it: bring in the self within who wants to be seen, to receive. Own it.
(if you want to know “who” you are in a relationship, pay attention to what you are being praised for by the other person, what they are requesting of you more)
