When you say “you can be better than this”, “be the better man”, “you can do more”, you are simply attacking the other person’s being. You are diminishing them.
The message you are giving is that they are not valuable as they are. Their being, as human and divine being.
We are all the best versions of ourselves as we speak, always been, always will.
We are all the best we could be, perfect for the circumstances and the conditions at hand.
If you want to change something, make yourself explicit in saying “I would like you to …” very clearly. It emphasizes the fact that this is YOUR desire, and also acknowledges the other being, and their right of choice.
